- Towards: People who move towards what they want. They feel motivated to achieve, attain and obtain. They often have difficulty in recognizing what they should avoid.
- Away: People who focus on what they want to avoid. They feel motivated to move away from, and get rid of disvalues and aversions. They often have trouble in managing priorities and goals.
- Balanced: People who use toward and away equally.
We have two directions we can move in regards to the things that we value. Over time, we can come to specialize in one or the other.
- Procedures: People who like to follow specific and definite procedures. They feel motivated when following a procedure and may have an almost compulsive desire to complete a procedure.
- Options: People who prefer to generate procedures and figuring out alternatives to a strategy. If it works, they would prefer to improve or alter it.
Ask "what do you want from a relationship, or a job, etc?" " What do you value the importance about...?"
After you get an answer, move to a meta-level and ask for the meta-outcome
"When you get _____, what does that mean for you?
(This will allow us to discover the complex equivalence between behaviors and values.)
Listen to "towards" and "away from" values.
Conation Choice in Adapting
When it comes to dealing with instructions or getting something done, we have two broad responding styles---the Procedures Style or the Options Style.
- Why did you choose your car?
Ask Why Questions!
If the person talks about choosing and expand options, then they are options-oriented. If a person tells you lots of facts or tells a story, but doesn't talk about choosing, then they're procedure-oriented.
- Judge and control: People who desire (and attempt) to make life adapt for them.They live life according to plans, ideas, beliefs, hopes, and desires and so seek to bring order to their world.
- Perceive-float: People who adapt themselves to life and reality by perceiving, observing, noting, and accepting. Typically, they will do what they feel like at the moment and take a more philosophical attitude toward difficulties.
In adapting ourselves to life, and to the information that influences our personal worlds, we can adapt in one of two broad styles: by seeking to understand life on its terms, or make plans to order, regulate, and control life's events.
- Do you like to live life spontaneously as the spirit moves you or according to a plan?
- Do you find it easy or difficult to make up your mind?
- If we did a project together would you prefer we first outline and plan it in an orderly fashion or would you prefer to just begin to move into it and flexibly adjust to things as we go?
- Necessity: People that operate from a model of compulsion, laws, rules, etc.Necessity words include "must", "have to", "should", etc.
- Desire: People with an optimistic point-of-view that can view various options and alternatives as possible. It also includes wants, desires, and passions. Desire words include "want to", "love to", "get to", etc.
Reason Sort of Modal Operators
Modal operators are words that reflect the mode of relating and operating that a person does in the world. Such words describe the conceptual world one lives in and maps out. They reflect the reasons (necessity or desire) that a person acts as he or she does.
- How did you motivate yourself to go to work today? What did you say to yourself that helped you get moving?
- Why did you choose your present job?
Ask questions that presuppose motivation.
Notice if the person responds by giving you a reason. Otherwise, they operate from a mode of necessity.
- People: Those who prefer people as their primary value. They relate well socially but hate to be alone.
- Place: Those who find lots of meaning in terms of the environment---what they see, feel, and hear in that context.
- Things: Those who focus what lies in their environment: possessions, money, food, surroundings, etc. Typically, they seek to find meaning and happiness via "things".
- Activity: People who focus on the "how" of a process primarily. They prefer liveliness and motion and strongly dislike "just sitting around" activities.
- Information: Those who sort for things in terms of what they will learn, from whom, the value of the information, how they can apply it, etc. They are more focused on learning experience.
- Time: Those who endow any of the meanings and categories of "time" with lots of importance.
People have preferences regarding their interests. Primary interests fall into categories of people (who), place (where), things (what), activity (how), information (why, what information), and time (when)
- Perfectionism sorting: People who tend to never feel satisfied with his or her performance. They set unrealistically high goals, and as a result, constantly stay frustrated.
- Optimizing sorting: People who do the best with what they have, and let it go at that. They set goals in manageable increments to appreciate little successes.
- Defeatist sorting: Those who avoid goal-setting and achieving altogether and think-and-feel pessimistically about the whole subject.
- Realist sorting: Those who reduce the world to bare-bone facts. They do very little of dreaming, desiring, and hoping. They focus on a pure sensory-based world.
What would you find as really important in how you choose to spend your next two-week vacation? What kinds of things, people, activities, etc. would you want present for you to evaluate it as really great?
Goal Sort---Adapting To Expectations
People differ in how they think-feel and then choose to go after their goals. Some process goal-setting and reaching in a perfection style others do so in an optimization style, and yet others choose not to set goals at all.
- Tell me about a goal you have set and how did you go about making it come true?
- If you set a goal today to accomplish something of significance, how would you begin to work on it?
- Cost: People who focus on the price of an item to determine its value.
- Convenience: People who focus on whether or not an item serves a particular need combined with ease-of-use.
- Quality: People who focus on "the totality of features and characteristics of a product or service that bears its ability to satisfy stated or implied needs."
- Time: People who focus on an item's ability to save time.
Value Buying Sort
When it comes to purchasing and deciding to purchase, we typically sort for four primary values: cost, convenience, quality, and time.
- Over-responsible sorting: Those who assume too much responsibility in any given situation. They often take on caretaking roles and excel at sympathizing, and wanting to make things better.
- Under-responsible sorting: Those who tend to rely on others to take care of them. They think of themselves as dependent and needy.
- Balanced: Those who appropriately accept and assume the ability to respond for themselves and to others.
What do you primarily concern yourself with---the price, convenience, time, quality, or some combination of these when you consider making a purchase?
People think about, sort for, and emote about the concept of "responsibility" in different ways. For those who love, desire, and want responsibility, they move toward it. Others have much pain associated with the idea of "responsibility", so they move away from it.
- When you think about having and owning responsibility for something in a work situation or personal relationship, what thoughts and emotions are occurring to you?
- Has someone ever held you responsible for something that went wrong that felt very negative to you?
- What positive experiences can you remember about someone holding you responsible for something and/or validate you as "response-able"?
- Distrusting: People who immediately question, wonder, feel a little (or a lot) defensive, and will hold back. They will typically adopt a guarded position and do not immediately trust.
- Trusting: Those who immediately trust, feel connected, and act trustingly. They will even embrace the stranger. Typically, they come across as warm, friendly, interested and outgoing.
People Convincer Sort
This Meta-Program utilizes the same processes that our Convincer Sort does but applied towards people and how we relate to them. Some people use a thinking-feeling pattern of trust, others of distrust.
- When you think about meeting someone new, do you immediately have a sense of trust and openness to the person, or thoughts and feelings of distrust, doubt, questions, jealousy, etc.?
- How do you typically choose to relate to a person, or a group of people, before you know them well---with trust or with caution?